Getting detention in school isn’t fun for students, and it’s particularly awful for parents. A detention slip is often viewed as a warning that a child isn’t behaving the way they should. Yet sometimes, the reasons for a student’s detention can get pretty silly, and discipline has to take a backseat to the surreal hilarity that ensues.
1. You’ll feel silly for giving the Second Coming detention when the Antichrist transfers in.
2. Religion can be a scary thing.
Also, our proofreaders would like to have a word with this teacher about that hyphen.
3. Little did this teacher know that by looking at pictures of cats, this student was actually preparing for a lucrative career in online media.
4. I’m considering offering Michael an internship. He finishes his work early and does his own cute dog research.
5. Ms. Eads took being called a Furby as a deep slur. She’s actually a Tickle Me Elmo.
Can we also talk about “after being spoke to today”?
6. We’re still trying to figure out exactly what that means, and if it’s better (or worse) than being called a Furby.
7. You have to admit that this kid has some solid logic. See, the schools haven’t failed him!
8. It was for health class!
9. There’s a certain charming innocence in this phrasing.
10. I’ll admit there was a time in life where “Your mom” was like a reflexive response.
11. Ditto here.
12. Joe has a really solid routine. Someone get this kid an agent.
13. Some teachers just don’t appreciate literary allusions. This might have worked better in English class, Katie.
14. On an American school’s budget? Have you learned anything, Timothy?
15. Jacob was just showing his dedication to public service.
16. And so was Anthony.
17. Christopher, however, gets more points for dedication than Anthony.
18. This is technically not wrong.
19. This spelling is not correct in the Potterverse, so this kid obviously didn’t do the reading.
20. His family would always treasure Jacob’s first “come at me, bro,” and would place this slip in the scrapbook next to the first beer can he crushed on his head.
21. No, I’m pretty sure dropping your pants is something this kid is going to do more than once in his life.
22. Do you even know what “YOLO” stands for?
23. There are more socially acceptable ways to ask someone to prom.
24. It was for science!
25. The use of the past progressive here makes this even better.
26. It’s called multitasking!
27. This is truly the worst thing one can be called.
28. Look, you were always after the kids to get involved in politics and social causes. Don’t cry when it backfires.
29. Your social studies class needs to go over what “communist” means again.
30. Andy achieved what most of us only dream of doing.
31. The detention slip tells me Raymond got in trouble, but the three exclamation points are telling me that the teacher enjoyed this pun. I know I did.
32. I think Miranda needs something a little stronger than detention for this.
33. Sometimes, we get ludicrous behavior from the teacher, like this delicate blossom and his ego.
This is pretty much proof as to why I should never have kids, because I would probably find this behavior too funny to be a disciplinarian. However, I’d be disappointed with myself as a writer if the only insult my child could come up with was “Furby.”